Trade It

We trade our sorrow,

For your Joy.

We trade our shame,

For your Glory,

We trade our failure,

For your Hope.

The trade has enabled

Your hands to cover upon us,

Our burdens rest in your refuge,

Our fears of the unknown for your Peace.

Our loneliness for your Presence.

The trade,

Of your only son for all humanity.

The trade,

Of everlasting for our eternity.

The trade,

breathe in your presence in us.

New Hope. New Life. New Strength.

Where were we

"My Heart is, and always, will be yours." -Sense & Sensibility

This journey was meant to be walked by you and me. 

We were supposed to be together. 

We were, meant to be.

What we had was sincere, pure and true.

It was not a game.

It never was.

You were mine, 

And I was yours.

You and I.

Where did it all go?

When it is all dark and quiet,

My heart whispers.

"Will you still love me?"

Know that...

"My Heart is, and always, will be yours." 

This life and forever more..

Note: Dedicated for the broken-hearts

The Sound of Love

The sound of love,

quietly walked into my life,

without me even realizing it,

until,

it walked away.

The sound of love,

has taught me to be selfless,

and to give more than I ever could.

I tried,

really hard.

But before I could say 'Thank you for teaching me that',

from the very bottom of my heart,

you have left me all alone.

Was it some misunderstanding,

that you have grown tired and weary?

Or have you outgrown the familiar sound of love?

I know for sure,

that no amount of tears, 

will ever bring you back to me.

Not,

Unless I learn to let you go.

Perhaps,

we were never meant to be.

If we were meant to be,

Do not forget me.

Remember, 

you will always, always have a part of my heart.

Because,

the sound of love have left a deeper mark in my heart,

than anyone could ever be.

Note: This simple blog is dedicated to those whose hearts have been broken and are learning the art of letting go.

Walking on Water

Ever wonder how it feels like to walk on water? To give all you have, to risk it all, your pride, your life, your title, your background, to just walk on water?

It is never easy to choose the path that was less traveled on. People may mock you, criticize you, laugh at you for the decisions you made, make and continue making.

To some, your decision may seem crazy, to some, it may seem worthless. Yet, to those who are walking on water, they will understand. Call them, the tribe that walks on water, or the water-walkers or whatever you like. You will know it, when you meet them. They are different. Well, water-walkers are another story for another day.

There will be days, when you wake up and you ask yourself, is this worth it? Will I make it if I continue to walk on water? Whom can I hold on to when all else fails? What if this is the wrong decision? What if...they were right and you were wrong? What if..what if...

At times, the world will seem to fade away, and all that is left is you, sitting at a corner, doubting at your own values and decisions. There will be days, at long stretches, to even weeks and months, where you will question yourself, how am I gonna survive walking on water?

Sometimes, the journey we take is a journey we have to go through alone. And walking on water is one of those journeys.

Peter walked on water alone.

None of his friends came with him.

Life is a journey, when it comes to some point, we will have to choose whether we will be a water-walker like Peter, or the rest, who stood by and watched him.

Hah, you may say, that is easier said than done! You are right. It takes lots of balls and guts to step out of our comfort zone, to be a water-walker.

But when you do, the rest of the world watches you. Will you thrive as a survivor or a champion or someone who gives up half way? Will. You. Make. It?

Being a water-walker applies in many areas of our lives. Whether it is in our spiritual walk, relationships, career, finances, etc etc. You name it. We get to make a thousand and one decisions in our daily lives. From the moment we open our eyes from the night's rest, it is a choice-whether today we will be a water-walker.

Walking on water is a scary thought. Walking on water itself is even more terrifying. The first step is filled with adventure and excitement. The second step, doubts start pilling up at the back of your head. The third step, you waver. The fourth, fifth, sixth....will you make it?

Peter...peter. We could imagine him walking at first with great courage and faith. He told Jesus "Lord, if it is you, tell me to come to you on water." Jesus said "Come". He started the historical water-walking episode. He was the first to walk on water after Jesus. But, when he saw the wind, he was afraid and began to sink.

There will be days when we will be attacked by fear and worries.

And we will start sinking. And like Peter who cried out to Jesus, "Lord! Safe me!", we need to do the same.

When we are at our darkest moment, filled with doubts, fears, worries, we gotta tune in to Jesus the water-walking expert. He will hold out his loving hands and offer us peace that the world can never offer.

He will provide.

He will guide us.

He will lead us to the destination no matter how long it takes.

The question is this, will you walk on water when he says "Come."


Disclaimer : This post is written to those who are walking on water (literally) by faith. It is a post to encourage those who are going through difficult moments as I myself am learning to walk on water. 

A very Durian Excursion

Some acquaintances are meant to be kept as friends. They are rare and it is wise to keep them. 

In a lifetime, if you are lucky, you will only be able to meet a few that you could truly call them your brothers and sisters from different sets of parents. 

***

Well, lucky me. I've met a couple. Being with them is like sitting in a live sitcom where the actors involved the two of them and me as an active live audience. Below is the most recent event that happened with them.

A very Durian Excursion:

3 of us wanted to get Durians as our dinner in Kampar. Well, as a Malaysian, I'm guilty of charge for never having the experience of buying Durian. The idea of choosing Durian is like differentiating the hair style of Rosmah's before and after hair-perm. (Truth to be told, no pun intended). So, we were all set on a journey to get the best Durians we know how.

We had a brilliant plan. As the only Malaysian in the car, I was to get down to negotiate for a good price, then signal the others to get down and look at our potential dinner. The purpose of them getting down later is to hide them from view of the sellers. Well, you may accuse us of our cunning ways, but everyone knows that road side fruit-sellers are popular in proposing sky high price to anybody who couldn't speak their mother tongue. (No wonder, there ain't any price-tag stuck to the fruits!) As the only Malaysian, we were convinced that I could get cheap yet mouth-watering Durians.

Since our nose weren't sensitive enough to trace the Durian's whereabouts, we had to find the Durians stalls with our other senses such as eyes and common sense. As Reza was driving, we past the first Durian stall at the road side. 8 sellers sitting behind the pile of Durians stared at our car. Convinced that no way I could bargain for a good price against 8 brains, we continued. Then we past another stall, from afar we thought it was a Durian stall. Lo & Behold! They were selling Rambutans and smelly beans. And so, we past another one, but it was opposite our side of the road. The journey continues. We reached the tiny town, and stopped at the first Durian we set eyes on.

As our plan slowly begins to unfold, I stepped down from the tinted car and went over to the she-he who was selling. To my surprise, without any hand gloves, she hold the Durians with her bare hands and describe to me the beauty and tastiness of a potential product. She pointed at two piles of Durians,

Me: How much are these? (In broken Cantonese)
She-he: Ah, these are the good ones, I sell them here everyday, if got spoil ones, come back tomorrow, I'll be here. (In similar level of broken Cantonese too).

(Me thinking: Hm...Noticed that she avoided the discussion of $, and tomorrow this time, I will be miles away back in KL!) 

Never mind. Round 2:

Me: Ooo, ok, how much is one of these? (Pointing at the nearest Durian at my feet)
She-he: These are good, they went for local Durian competitions.

(Me thinking: Huh? Competition? Is there such a thing as Durian competition?? Wow...culture shock. And me, calling myself a Malaysian)

Round 3. I pointed at another pile of Durians which closely resembled the first pile that I pointed at.

Me: What about these? Any difference?
She-he: Oh yes, those are local Durians. They don't taste as good as these.

(Me thinking: But aren't they all local Durians?)

Alas, Round 4.

Me: Ok, how much if I take 3 of these (Pointing at the nearest Durians again)
She-he: That will be about RM60+. (Smiling at me)

(Me thinking: WHAT?  No way!) 

Alas, Reza and Xiao Xiao sensed the urgency of their presence and pop up just in time. Still, they could not understand our conversation. In the end, after a very Durian smelling bargain, she-he agreed to sell us 5 Durians, a package of: 1 (Durian that is qualified to go for Durian competition) + 3 (Local Durians that are not qualified for competition) + 1 free Durian (local) for only RM35.

Me, making sure that she-he help us chop the head of the Durian as none of us know how to slice a dangerous looking Durian. She-he is concerned whether we could finish all the Durians, so insisted that we kept one for future meal.

We went home, wondering whether the Durians were worth the penny. On our way into Reza's house, we bumped into his neighbor. Actually, his neighbor's maid to be exact. She appears every time we go in or out from the house and each time she will be smiling at us. We thought, we should give her a Durian as a token for making the effort of smiling and welcoming us these few days. The first Durian was donated away.

After settling down, we were ready for a mouth-watering dinner! Or so we thought. To our dismay, the second Durian was a disaster! Xiao Xiao pried open and saw a worm! Me thinking, it might be her eye-sight plus a very dark porch playing tricks, so I tried to peep into the Durian. To my horror, a worm was wiggling inside. Too bad Reza's pet chickens died and left only 1 survivor that is no mood in consuming a worm. We left the 1 wormy Durian at a very far corner, and continue chopping the other three.

The third Durian was good. Left the fourth and fifth Durians. We couldn't find the openings. Unfortunately the she-he did not chop any openings on them. So begins the Durian chopping session. Reza chopped, Xiao Xiao chopped, I chopped. It took 3 people to chop open a little Durian. One of us nearly chop away our fingers, another got poke by the vicious thorns and bled, and another was busy looking for a cloth to man-handle the life-threatening Durians. It was an ugly, prickly, smelly Durian. The Durian must be wondering so too, how could 3 hungry humans be so interested with an ugly dangerous prickly fruit like itself. It is indeed a mystery to be solved.

After a tiring chopping time, we discovered we have chopped the Durian seeds into half while attempting to open it up.The last Durian was not at its prime time to be eaten. It was hard and not smelly enough. Overall, it took us more than 1 hour to finish our dealings with the Durians. The hard-core Durians live up to their title as Kings of all fruits. Smelly and ugly. Yet tasty...

Our Durian excursion has ended. Or so we thought. Again.The now dead Durians shell was as hard to clean up as the live ones. We couldn't get a plastic bag big enough to fit them all, and 3 of us again tried to squeeze them into 2 narrow bags. It poked us badly. And at last, they went into the bin that were fated to be their coffins!

I believed through the very Durian excursion, 3 Durian musketeers were made in the process. We shall be more experience in future Durian affairs.

Because He first love us

                                                                                    

This is not a coincidence, 

Out of the multitude of people, You found me.   

At the best of time,

At the worst of time, You stand by me.

Come blessings,

Come fortunes, You smile at me.

Come disasters,

Come ill events, Your hands support me.

Your presence light up my life,

Like never before.

Though doubt and persecution arises,

My soul shall be yours alone.

At end times,

Nothing matter except You,

Whom I love because You first love me.

The unnerving disappointment

It seems like it is a norm to be disappointed with everyone else but God. Because God is in-charge.

When storms come hurling its fist at us, we often question ourselves, question God, like Job, we doubt, we fall into desperation and cry out for Him. Lo and behold! What do we get? Silence. It can be just so quiet sometimes. The air, still and silent. We heard nothing, we felt nothing, we sense nothing. Emptiness. The soul dry as a desert under the scorching sun.

Oh, some may say, 'Just trust Him' and then they quote a verse. As if they would understand.
Maybe, some may comfort with a hug. No hugs could take away the problems we face.
Perhaps, some will encourage us with their testimonies. But the situations are different, people are different.
Hah! A handful might try to provide solutions and advice. But if everything could be solve by humans, what do we need God for?

There will be times like this in our Christian walk. Ups and downs, like the waves of the sea. Is God playing us? Fooling with us? It certainly feels like it at some point of the circumstances (whatever situations it may be). What answer do we have when we demand for God's attention and yet receive nothing from heaven? We can speculate all we want and the answer we may never get nor fully comprehend.* (For His thoughts are higher than ours). We may cry till no more tears are left in our hollow spirit.

If only life is so simple with black and white answers.

When one is full of doubt, nothing can remove those doubts except the touch of God. The encounter with Him personally is the only solution for an atheist, for a doubter, for a disappointed son, for a hurting soul, for a depress youth, for nothing-to-live for men and women.

Only the experience with God can bring a sense of peace to calm the storms. Wait upon Him.

-Inspired by Yancey's Disappointment with God-